Preparing for Self-Care Through the Holidays: Staying Mindful, Present, and Rooted in Love

By Garion Sparks-Austin,

Founder & Director of Co & Associates

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist.

The closing of the year has a particular kind of emotional gravity to it. Even when life is “good,” December can feel like a crowded room: expectations, obligations, grief, joy, nostalgia, loneliness, hope, family dynamics, financial pressure, and the persistent sense that we should be doing more—celebrating more, giving more, connecting more, resting more, feeling more grateful.

If you’re noticing that the holidays stir up a mix of emotions (sometimes in the same hour), you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re human.

Self-care during the holidays isn’t about curating a picture-perfect season or forcing yourself into constant positivity. It’s about building a steady inner posture—one rooted in mindfulness, consideration, presence, and love—so you can move through what this time brings with more gentleness and choice.

Below are supportive, practical ways to prepare.

1) Start with “Consideration”: What Do I Need This Year?

Before we talk strategies, we start with honesty.

This season might not match past years. You may not have the same energy, capacity, relationships, financial flexibility, or emotional bandwidth you once did. Consideration means you stop measuring yourself against an old version of you and begin responding to the truth of who you are right now.

Try asking:

• What tends to be hardest for me during the holidays?

• What do I wish people understood about me this time of year?

• What would make the season feel more supportive and less performative?

• What do I want to protect (my sleep, my sobriety, my peace, my budget, my routines, my time)?

Consideration is not selfishness—it’s stewardship.

2) Mindfulness Isn’t Calm—It’s Contact

Many people think mindfulness means feeling relaxed. In reality, mindfulness is simply being with what is true without judgment.

During the holidays, mindfulness can sound like:

• “I notice my chest is tight when I think about that gathering.”

• “I’m feeling grief under the busyness.”

• “I’m comparing my life to others more than usual.”

• “I’m depleted, and I keep saying yes.”

When you name what’s happening inside you, you create options. When you don’t, your nervous system runs the show.

A simple practice:Pause + Name + Breathe

1. Pause for 10 seconds

2. Name the emotion: anxiety, sadness, resentment, guilt, joy, overwhelm

3. Take 3 slow breaths and remind yourself: “I can be with this.”

You don’t have to fix the emotion to care for yourself through it.

3) Presence: Choose “Here” Over “Should”

Presence is one of the most protective forms of self-care. It pulls you out of mental spirals like:

• “I should be happier.”

• “This shouldn’t be hard.”

• “I should want to go.”

• “I should be over it by now.”

Instead, presence asks: What is actually happening in this moment?

If you’re with family, presence might mean noticing when you’re starting to disappear—people-pleasing, performing, over-explaining, staying quiet to keep the peace. If you’re alone, presence might mean meeting that loneliness with tenderness instead of shame.

A grounding check-in:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can feel

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

No matter what you’re walking through, your body appreciates being brought home.

4) Stay Rooted in Love (Even When You’re Setting Limits)

One of the biggest holiday myths is that boundaries are harsh. In reality, healthy boundaries are often an expression of love—love for yourself, and love for the relationship you’re trying not to resent.

Rooted-in-love boundaries might sound like:

• “We won’t be able to make it this year, but we’re thinking of you.”

• “I can come for dinner, but I’ll be heading out early.”

• “I’m not discussing that topic.”

• “We’re keeping gifts simple this year.”

• “I need a quiet morning before socializing.”

  
  

Love without limits becomes depletion. Limits without love can become armour.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s integrity.

5) Plan for Your Triggers Like You Plan for Your Outfits

If the holidays bring up anxiety, grief, tension, or old relational patterns, it helps to prepare with a self-care plan that’s as concrete as possible.

Consider creating a “Holiday Support Menu”:

Tiny resets (1–5 minutes)

• Step outside for fresh air

• Drink water and unclench your jaw

• Text a trusted person a simple “thinking of you”

• Bathroom break + 3 deep breaths

• Hand on heart: “I’m safe, I’m allowed to take up space.”

Medium supports (10–30 minutes)

• Short walk

• Guided meditation

• Journaling: “What am I feeling and what do I need?”

• Shower or warm tea

• A reset playlist

Anchors (daily non-negotiables)

• A consistent bedtime window

• Protein + hydration

• Movement (gentle counts)

• 10 minutes of quiet

• Less alcohol or intentional substance boundaries

• Limits on extra commitments

  
  

Self-care isn’t just what you do after you’re overwhelmed. It’s what you build before.

6) Make Room for Mixed Emotions (Because That’s Real Life)

You can love your family and feel drained.You can be grateful and still feel heavy.You can enjoy holiday moments and still miss someone deeply.You can feel hopeful and also scared about what’s ahead.

Holding “both” is a sign of emotional maturity, not confusion.

If you’re navigating grief, estrangement, divorce, burnout, or big life changes, please hear this:You are not failing the holidays because you’re having feelings.You’re simply living in a season that magnifies what matters.

7) A Gentle Closing-of-Year Reflection (Without Self-Attack)

The end of the year can invite reflection—but it doesn’t need to become a courtroom.

Try reflecting from love, not judgment:

• What did I survive this year?

• What did I learn about what I need?

• What relationships felt nourishing? What felt costly?

• Where did I show up for myself—even a little?

• What do I want to carry forward? What can I release?

  
  

If your year felt messy or tender, that doesn’t mean it lacked meaning.

If This Season Feels Especially Heavy

If the holidays bring significant anxiety, depression, grief, or relationship strain, support can help. Therapy can offer a steady space to process what’s coming up, understand patterns, and build emotional tools that extend far beyond the season.

At Co & Associates, we believe mental health support should be normalized—especially during times that ask a lot of us.

A Final Word: Let Love Be Practical

This holiday season, let love be practical:

• practical enough to say no

• gentle enough to rest

• honest enough to feel

• steady enough to return to yourself

You don’t have to do this season perfectly. You only have to do it presently—one moment, one breath, one choice at a time.

— Garion Sparks-Austin