Subtle Signs of Disordered Eating: How to Support a Healthy Relationship with Food and Body Image

When we think about disordered eating, many of us picture extreme or obvious behaviours. In reality, disordered eating often shows up quietly, subtly, and is frequently normalized by diet culture and well-meaning messages about “health.” These patterns can affect children, teens, and adults alike, and often begin long before anyone realizes there is a problem.

As a Registered Psychotherapist, I often see how early messaging about food, weight, and bodies can shape a person’s relationship with eating for years to come. This blog aims to help you recognize subtle signs of disordered eating, reflect on common messages we may unintentionally pass on to children, and offer guidance on how to foster a healthier, more compassionate relationship with food and body image.

Subtle Signs of Disordered Eating

Disordered eating exists on a spectrum. A person does not need to meet diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder to be struggling. Some subtle signs to watch for include:

• Frequent guilt or shame after eating

• Labeling foods as “good,” “bad,” “clean,” or “junk”

• Anxiety around eating in social settings

• Skipping meals or rigid eating schedules

• Obsessive focus on calories, ingredients, or portion sizes

• Compensating for food intake through excessive exercise or restriction

• Constant body checking or dissatisfaction with appearance

• Using food to cope with emotions while also feeling shame for doing so

• Moralizing weight or equating thinness with health, worth, or success

  
  

In children and adolescents, these signs may show up as picky eating that becomes increasingly restrictive, fear of certain foods, negative comments about their body, or intense distress around snacks and meals.

Messaging We Need to Rethink

Many messages about food and bodies are deeply ingrained in our culture and often passed down unintentionally. While typically well-meaning, these messages can contribute to disordered eating and body image concerns.

Here are some things we need to stop doing:

1. Using Food as a Moral Measure

Avoid statements like:

• “You were good today, you didn’t eat dessert.”

• “That’s bad food.”

This teaches children that their worth is tied to what they eat and creates shame around food choices.

2. Commenting on Bodies (Including ‘Positive’ Comments)

Comments such as:

• “You look so thin!”

• “You’ve lost weight — good for you!”

Even positive comments reinforce the idea that body size is something to be noticed, evaluated, and praised.

3. Restricting or Policing Food in Front of Children

Statements like:

• “I shouldn’t eat this.”

• “I need to work this off later.”

Children absorb how adults talk about food and bodies, often internalizing these beliefs as their own.

4. Equating Health with Weight

Health cannot be determined by body size alone. Emphasizing weight loss as a marker of health can be harmful and inaccurate.

How to Support Healthy Eating and Body Image

Creating a healthy relationship with food is less about control and more about trust, attunement, and flexibility.

1. Normalize All Foods

All foods can fit into a balanced life. When we remove labels and restrictions, food loses its emotional charge.

2. Focus on How Food Feels, Not How It Looks

Encourage curiosity around hunger, fullness, satisfaction, and energy rather than calories or appearance.

3. Model Neutral Body Talk

Speak about bodies in neutral, respectful ways. Bodies change, and that is a normal part of being human.

4. Encourage Autonomy and Attunement

Support children in listening to their own hunger and fullness cues rather than external rules.

5. Emphasize Worth Beyond Appearance

Reinforce values such as kindness, creativity, effort, and resilience — qualities that have nothing to do with body size.

When to Seek Professional Support

It may be time to seek support from a professional if you notice:

• Increasing rigidity or anxiety around food

• distress related to body image

• Avoidance of meals or social situations involving food

• Emotional reliance on food 

  - shame or secrecy around food 

• A sense that food or body concerns are creating distress 

Early intervention matters. Support does not need to wait until things feel “bad enough.”

How Psychotherapy Supports Healing from Disordered Eating

Psychotherapy plays a vital role in addressing disordered eating because these behaviours are rarely just about food. They are often connected to deeper emotional needs, coping strategies, trauma, identity, and self-worth.

In therapy, individuals can:

• Explore the emotional roots of their relationship with food

• Develop safer, more compassionate coping strategies

• Challenge internalized diet culture and body shame

• Learn to regulate emotions without using restriction or control

• Rebuild trust with their body

  
  

Therapy provides a space where food and body concerns can be explored without judgment, allowing for healing that goes beyond symptom management and supports long-term well-being.

A Final Note

Supporting a healthy relationship with food and body image is not about perfection — it’s about awareness, compassion, and willingness to unlearn harmful narratives. By changing the way we talk about food and bodies, we can help create a safer, more supportive environment for ourselves and for the next generation.

If you or someone you care about is struggling with disordered eating or body image concerns, you are not alone — and support is available.

With Care, Stephanie Maza Registered Psychotherapist Clinical Lead at Co & Associates Founder of Choose Happy Therapeutic Services

Stephanie Maza is a Registered Psychotherapist and Clinical Lead at Co & Associates, where she supports individuals in developing healthier relationships with food, body, and self. Stephanie is actively accepting new clients.

This article is intended for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, counselling, or individualized mental health care. Everyone’s experiences are unique, and support that works for one person may not be right for another. If you’re struggling, we encourage you to seek professional support that fits your needs.